I really hate continually bringing up my recent injury over and over again, but the more time I spend thinking about it, the more I realize that there's a real lesson to be learned. And it has nothing to do with safer dancing.
Coming home that night from the hospital, high on morphine, it took me a while to realize the full extent of my injury. Crutching around for a week, sweating up a storm everywhere I went it was painful for me. Not only did I feel pain from the crutches, but also for everyone else around me. Waiting for me to catch up periodically, bringing me food, putting on my socks...I just felt so dependent, and I hated it. I still hate it. I've never felt more helpless. I've never felt so loved, either.
It gets uncomfortable having everyone cater to you, doing the things you know you could do with your eyes closed. I want to especially mention those who offer their automobiles for my transport to and from the hospital or orthopedic center. It's like being a child again, having someone else tying your shoes and driving you to soccer practice. And it hurts me to know I'm a dependent person. All that stuff about how amazing it is to be waited on hand and foot...I feel like it's all a crock.
So now I'm just a person with a sore, braced kneecap. And I hobble every once and a while when I get tired. And I hate that I can't walk down stairs without taking it one step at a time. So thanks for waiting, and thanks for all your help in my healing process. Know I'm not in pain, and know that being injured like this for the first time in my life at nineteen isn't so easy. If I was a kid I'd be happy to be walking already, but I still can't help feeling like I've got this emotional part of me that has to recover.
But every time that I take a step and bend my mostly-healed but still busted leg, I take so much pride knowing I can finally walk without two awkward metal poles lodged in my armpits. I know I'm breakable, and it hurts, but the scars will merit stories to be told and lessons to be learned. And to think it could have been so much worse--; my body may be healing and my mind may be faltering emotionally, but you'd have to hit me harder to break my spirit.
